It has often been said that there are only two sure things in life...death and taxes. For me, this list is a tad longer if you add the topic of work. It seems that I have worked for as long as I can remember...and there seems to be no end in sight. My work experience has ranged from slinging plates in the local diner, to covering the police and fire beat for a regional newspaper. I have hung and straightened bras and panties in the Kmart dressing room and raised funds to build a new wing for a non-profit hospital.

But no mater where my paycheck derived from, I could be sure there would be lots of gossip and even more drama. There need not be any watercooler present to overhear conversations about who slept with whom...where...and how.

Some of the conversations are amusing and some are heartbreaking. I have listened intently as the intern gushed about the 3-day cruise to Ensenada she was invited to go on with the guy she met on Match.com. I was also her shoulder to cry on when the trip ended in disaster. The most recent real-life tear jerker revolves around a co-worker who recently delivered a baby four months early. All of us are on the edge of our ergonomically-designed office chairs waiting to hear the fate of her very premature son.

Naturally, the coversation often turns to what was on the television the previous night. Who was voted off the island? Which celebrity danced his way to the next round? Will Drek and Meredith really stay together longer than one episode?

I thought back on all of this office fodder when someone recently complained about how unrealistic they thought it was for the characters on my favorite TV drama to wrestle with sticky, emotional and personal topics while doing brain surgery or completing a kidney transplant. My argument: People do that all the time, don't we? How far off the mark is that when we can recap Grey's Anatomy while preparing next week's board packet or balancing this month's advertising budget? Of course, I realize that accounting may not be brain surgery and replacing a kidney is a little more complicated than processing a $10,000 stok transfer. But trust me, for some of the people I have worked with...these tasks are just as difficult for them as surgery is for a physician.

Perhpas that is why, even though we are not surgeons, so many of us can relate to George's anguish over failing his exam by one stinking question. When I was sixteen I failed getting my driver's license the first time by one point! Our hearts break for Alex when his girlfriend goes insane, even though he has been portrayed as a monumental ass for most of the series because, we all have asses in our life for whom we might feel sorry at the first evidence of humanity. How many of our friends or co-workers (or perhaps even ourselves) have had an on-again, off-again relationship like Derek and Meredith? It was easy to empathize with Izzy as she lay depressed and nearly lifeless on the bathroom floor after Denny died. I have felt that pain. I have felt that anguish. I have locked myself in my dorm room when I felt that life was just unbearable.

So I stand by my argument...Grey's Anatomy is more reality than fiction. No, I never saw a prom held in the hopital where I worked last year, but the nurses hosted an amazing baby shower for the pregnant woman who had been hospitalized on bet rest for six months. No, I never witnessed two doctors racing to do the deed in the on-call room, but I heard about the radiology technician who was fired for surfing porn sites at work. I bet anyone with a job can recall at least one dramatic, sad, crazy, sexy or outrageous thing that has happened in the workplace.

What about you? What type of drama have you seen at work that would make a great Grey's Anatomy script? I'd love to read it. Better yet, I'd love to see it acted out on the TV screen.

        

Among the many mundane tasks I am assigned to muddle through each day  is the duty to open and distribute all of the department's mail. On a slow day, (which is nearly every day) I will thumb through one or more of the magazines that come through for one staff member or another.

While opening the office mail one recent afternoon, I came across an ad for a book titled "Trying Hard is Not Good Enough." Its subtitle indicated reading the book would show government officials "How to Produce Measurable Improvements for Customers and Communities."

As a low-level government employee, everything about the title of this book...and its accompanying ad, infuriates me.

I understand that it is not wise to judge a book by its cover. However, I am human and I just can't help it. The ad announces the book has seven questions every manager should ask every month. If my manager asked the same seven questions every month, I would suggest he either get his brain scanned for a tumor, or believe he doesn't have enough work to do if he his able to bring up the same seven stupid questions every month.

From the time we are old enough to walk we are told to try our best. Personally, I know my parents, spouse and friends would still be proud of me if I tried something new and failed..as long as I tried my best. I suppose that is why the title "Trying Hard is Not Good Enough" seems, not only stupid, but offensive. It basically means that you are screwed from the get-go no matter how much effort you put out. We are set up for failure no matter what we do or no matter how hard we try.

In fact, my stomach turned when I saw the bottom of the ad that claimed the book contained "common sense methods used by government agencies in over 40 states and 10 countries." No wonder our economy is falling apart. No wonder why so many of my co-workers and I feel like "going postal" on any given day. If this is the type of literature our government leaders are basing their management skills on we are all doomed.

So I ask you...read any good books lately? Are there ANY "management" books out there that actually give good advice, or are they all enormously offensive like this one is? How about any other BAD books out there? List them in response to this blog. OR...let's just make some shit up. I'd love to put your creative mind to work. Let's see who can come up with the worst title for a management book. I'll start —

"How to Get the Milk for Free When Your Employees are as Stupid as Cows."

        

I have a relative with a genetic medical condition that is best described as a life-threatening enzyme imbalance. To learn more about this condition, I attended a national conference about a year ago that offered several seminars on various aspects of what life was going to be like living with this diagnosis.

I learned a lot of information that day. As time has passed, I have forgotten many of the details and would need to refer to the handout material I kept in the event my relative ever has a medical crisis. However, there was one session that has stuck with me over the weeks and the months of the past year.

A writer/editor for a popular girls magazine lead a session specifically for family of young girls with this affliction. When asked what to say when these girls ask "why me?", she had a very simple answer.

"Everybody has a 'thing.' Some people have diabetes," she said. "Some people are short. Some people wear glasses. Some people get cancer. Some people are overweight. Everybody has a 'thing.' This is just your thing."

Everybody has a "thing."

I have thought about this simple sentence several times over the last few months. And as I've wrestled with settling into a job that is less than challenging it hit me that, right now, this is my "thing."

Compared to many people I know, my "thing" is not so bad. I own a nice home. My vehicle works (at least it does today...knock on wood). I have a wonderful spous and a beautiful child. I have no chronic diseases (that I know of) and have not been in the hospital for a kidney stone in nearly two years (quick...knock on wood again).

As "things" go...having a less than satisfactory job is not so bad. Do I want to stay here until I retire? No...Make that Hell No. Not unless I get promoted off the bottom rung of the ladder. The work is not difficult but I an not challenged either. Some people would be fine being a phone jockey for nine hours a day, but I need more than that.

So what do other people do about their "things?" Diabetics adjust their sugar intake and take medicine. The visually challenged can get very cool glasses, contacts or Lasik surgery. Cancer, although much tougher, can be beaten in many cases. The overweight can (in many cases) modify their diet and exercise to lose weight.

Me...I can suck it up and deal with it. This is no time to be changing jobs. But this won't last forever, and I have hope that my "thing" can be cured.

By the way, as it turns out, my relative is doing ver well. There is a wide spectrum of symptoms that she could have had that often go along with the genetic makeup that accompanies this condition. Fortunately, she is one of the lucky ones. A little medicine per day and you would never know there is anything different about her.

What is your thing?

        

 

I have always been in awe of my dad's ability to play the guitar. It isn't that he is an outstanding player. It is simply because his doing so has brought so much joy to our family. His playlist is somewhat limited to bluegrass, country gospel, and old folk songs that most people in my generation have never heard of. That has never mattered to me. I could sit and listen to him play the same dozen or so songs over and over...and have done just that.

I have, on several occasions, tried to play. I can do a pretty mean C, D, or G chord (which is pretty much all you need to know for bluegrass); but other than that, my fingers fumble around on the strings until they're twisted into knots.

After a session of fooling around with the guitar, my fingertips are usually sore and sensitive to the touch. In most cases, I overlook the pain and continue to practice for several nights in a row. If I keep at it long enough, the ends of my fingers get acclimated to the constant presure of the strings and I get to a point where they don't hurt at all. For as much as I would love to play really well, it seems like my life gets too busy or I get distracted by some other hobby and I ultimately put the guitar back in its case and tuck it away for a while.

I was thinking about this recently in the context of my new job. I've been here for five months and I still feel like I'm fumbling around on the fingerboard. I'm not striking the right chords and I feel off beat. Instead of my fingers being sore...my head aches...because every night when I go home I feel like I have beat my head against the wall for nine hours straight.

Theoretically, if I apply my guitar practice principles to my job, the pain will eventually go away, right? I wake up day after day, drag myself into the office, boot up the computer, try and learn something new every day, but after weeks of going through the motions, the pain is not subsiding.

My heart aches because I miss my old job so much. (Which, by the way, I traded my old job for my new job to have a shorter commute.)

My ego is bruised because I went from a nice, responsible, respected position on the corporate ladder, to the bottom slat of the government stepstool.

My head aches because I don't understand why people do the things they do here.

Unfortunately, this job is not as much like playing the guitar as I would like it to be. If I get frustrated when playing the guitar, I put it away for a while until I feel I'm ready to tackle it again. Quitting this job is not an option. I can't just tuck it away in the closet for a while until the desire to play strikes me again. I have to work/practice every day, regardless of how sore my fingers (head, heart, nerves) get at the end of the day, and hope that I get better.

How about you? Have you ever been stuck in a job wher everything seemed like a sour note? Did you ever find the melody, or did you trade your guitar in for a set of drums to bang on? Tell me about it.

        

It is Saturday night. I just spent the day with a very good friend. We did the movie thing, the lunch thing, the after lunch imported beer thing and the gossip thing. It almost ALMOST made me forget how much I hate my new (well-paying and non-commuting) job.

Alas, I opened my e-mail and got the following e-mail from another good friend and it reminded me very quickly about my sucky job. It may be the lazy way to create a blog entry, but it was too good to just delete from my in-box. Add this to the fact that I silently say at least a half dozen of these A DAY to my co-workers, I just HAD to post it.

This is something that has probably floated around the internet anonymously for years. I cannot take credit for these gems myself. But if anyone wants to lay clam to them...be my guest.

40 Things You'd Like to Say Out Loud at Work -
 
 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're stupid.
 
 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
 
 3. How about never? Is never good for you?
 
 4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
 
 5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
 
 6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
 
 7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
 
 8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
 
 9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
 
 10. Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
 
 11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
 
 12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
 
 14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
 
 15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
 
 16. Thank you. We're all refreshed & challenged by your unique point of view.
 
 17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
 
 18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
 
 19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
 
 20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
 
 21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
 
 24. Do I LOOK like a people person?
 
 25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
 
 26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
 
 27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
 
 28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
 
 29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
 
 30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
 
 31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
 
 32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
 
 33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
 
 34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
 
 35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
 
 36. Chaos, panic, and disorder — my work here is done.
 
 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
 
 38. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.
 
 40. Oh I get it; like humor, but different.

        

I am all too aware that everything happens for a reason. In fact, this theory is so common that it is becoming a cliche in our society. I hear people say this very phrase all the time.

Cliche or not, it is a good thing we have these little phrases to get us through the tough times.....I have turned this phrase into a mantra over the last few months as I have struggled with being less than happy in my employment.

But now it's time to figure out WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY some of these "things" are happening. Here are some theories:

1) Perhaps I liked my job too much. I know, it sounds silly, like believing you can be too rich or too thin. However, I think I was losing focus on my family and household and was too focused on my professional accomplishments.

2) I was not being very nice to my muse. I could vaguely hear that angel of creativity knocking on my door, but I was so engrossed in my "day job" work, that none of those subconscious thoughts that often filter through my brain and onto the paper ever came through. Since working at my new (boring) job, I have written a song, gotten it picked up by a publisher and it will be shopped around Nashville.

3) Logistically, I am in a better place. I was previously driving 150 miles per day to get to my job. Although I liked what I did and who I worked with, it was getting a little tough on the finances because of the rediculously high price of gas. Now, at only 40-miles per day, I have really seen a difference in my cash flow.

4) Finally, I have just applied for a new job. If I had still been at my old job, I doubt I would have ever applied for this new possibility. Sometimes you have to hit a dead end before you can get turned around and headed in the right direction.

This blog was way more personal than I ever intended on posting in such a public forum, but sometimes you just gotta get stuff like this out into the universe.

        

I don't really have any witty words of wisdom to go along with this photo. A secretary friend of mine sent this to me along with a string of other photos taken of this poor car. (Yes, her title is secretary, not Administrative Assistant so don't send me any hate mail about how the term is antiquated...she works at a church, thank you.)

This leads me to wonder a few things....

1) Who did Walt tick off to warrant this retaliation?

2) How long of a lunch hour do Walt's "friends" get?

3) I wonder if the materials management department knows how the office supplies are being used.

4) Where, exactly do these people work...and do they have any openings.

5) Finally, I got this in an e-mail. Let me know if anyone has a web link to the original posting of these photos...never mind! I JUST found this cool linkto a news story that was done on it. I LOVE the internet.

        

It occurred to me that when I changed jobs, I lost my Reality TV "chat group!" At my old job, the majority of us watched many of the mainstream Reality Shows. For example many a "break time" conversation revolved around what happened on American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, The Bachelor and Big Brother in the previous few days. Yes, we talked about it when we weren't on break too. However, in our defense, we all rocked at our jobs and could actually talk about it and do our jobs at the same time. << MORE >>

A recent report on ABC news reported that just the smell of coffee can relieve stress.<< MORE >>

Workplace Depression? A Blast From The Past.

    It is after 10 p.m. on Sunday night. The child is in bed, the husband is nodding off to sleep, the TV is blaring the latest batch of bad news bytes (by the time I am done writing this I'll be watching TMZ) and an all too familiar feeling of dread has washed over me.

This feeling of dread has nothing to do with the news and everything to ...

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